Jana Llewellyn

A little bit of Janatude



Three years ago, in March, I took a trip to the Grand Canyon. It was a place I always wanted to go, and for some reason, it felt like the right time. I was at the cusp of a new job, a new beginning, and the desert was calling to me. I had never gone on a trip by myself before. I had never even hiked. But I wanted to […]

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Spring Mix

It’s spring, and all the trees in my neighborhood are bursting with color. I’m also taking a lot more walks, listening to the birds, seeing nature rising up in splendor everywhere. Even the crows seem harbingers of something good, their squawks more chipper than usual. Ever since college, I’ve been a big believer in the mix tape, even though no one listens to cassette tapes anymore. Making a mix tape […]

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Listening to Yourself

A few years ago, when I was getting on the subway to go to work, I had a consistent vision of my purse being lifted off my shoulder. I didn’t know what it meant, or why I seeing it. Was I going to be robbed? I wondered. But it kept coming back, day after day, right at the same time. A word here about the word “vision.” When I say […]

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Following the Rules

I have a memory of being a child, driving back from vacation at the beach with my mom and stepdad, and the car breaking down. They worked together to push it out of the road and then we sat on a patch of grass in the hot August sun, waiting. “What are we going to do now?” I had asked. The answer: “We don’t know.” That was scary for me. […]

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Kicking Ass at Failing

This morning, my son’s first day of middle school, did not go as I planned. I’ve been anxious about it all summer, this step from elementary school into pre-adolescence. A big, wide building with several wings. More homework. A transition of timing, of friendships, of life. I wanted the morning to go smoothly. I wanted everything to work out as it should. Perfect, or as close to perfect as it […]

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Being Free

Yesterday I took my daughters for a walk around our neighborhood after dinner. It’s only recently that I’ve allowed my four-year-old, the baby of the family, to walk instead of ride in her stroller. On this day, after holding my hand to cross the street, she ran up ahead on the sidewalk, spreading her arms wide and skipping as the breeze ruffled her dress and blew her ponytail. She makes similar movements at […]

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Reunited and It Feels So Good

Hello again, coffee. Or four-shot espresso latte-thingy. I missed you. You are hard enough. You are rough enough. You are rich enough. I’m not too blind to see. You put pep in my step all day. When I’m around you, my hands shake. I tremble under your touch. I don’t know why we have to have this sordid, on-again, off-again love affair, but I’m with you now, and that’s all […]

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